This time last year. . . .

I would have done Book 'em Sunday yesterday, but I have not read anything in its entirety all week. Thank you Olive! So I will make a huge effort to actually concentrate in the reading department this week.

Olive is doing fine. We have made no strides in housebreaking, biting everything in sight, annoying Herbie and chewing every chair we own. But she has learned to bring dirt clods in the house, chew on every squeaky toy we own at the same time, and smash head first into the front door every single day, so we consider her a success.

I enjoy playing the game of "At this time last year, I was _______" and then I fill in the blank. I'm always glad when the first of something has passed. So far I have done my first Christmas, the kid's birthday, Valentine's Day, Easter, etc. That way I don't feel the sadness of this time last year we were still a family, or this time last year we had the best Christmas ever.

This month will finally make a full year. May was the month everything started and ended. Oh sure, the words were spoken in July but it all started in May. Funnily enough it started the week before Mother's Day. This week. I guess I thought I would feel sad or angry or something, but I feel relieved. Free. Peaceful.

I always thought that marriages ended with a bigger bang. But in reality they don't. They end quietly and without the fanfare that they start with. One day here, the next day gone. You think you won't survive, that the pain will never end, but you do and it does. It is no longer the first, second, or even tenth thing you think about in the course of your day. You become stronger and confident. You are happier for longer periods of time. Your heart heals.

Who knows where I will be in another year from now. What I do know for sure, is that whatever comes my way, I am capable of handling it. This last year has taught me that I am better than I thought I was, smarter than I gave myself credit for and worthy of a life that treats me with the respect I am due. I deserve no less.