What a dog!

Having a puppy really makes you appreciate the older dog. I mean REALLY appreciate, not any of that fake appreciation crap. I am going to rename our entire family after Herbie and leave him all of my possessions.

Herbie knows the routine. Olive knows nothing. Herbie knows how to go outside for his needs. Olive knows nothing. Herbie eats his food, drinks his water and never tips over the vintage food bowls in anger when the food is gone. Olive knows nothing, wait, she knows how to do that.

Olive knows how to squeeze her puff ball self underneath the rhododendron that is covered in dying blossoms, bugs the size of my hand, dew, spiders the size of my state, and some sort of disgusting goo. Then she rolls around in dirt that I am sure carries some sort of toxic, to humans but not to idiot dogs, disease and presents herself like she just won some sort of friggin' beauty pageant to the front door. At which case I get to bathe her, dry her, brush her, only to have her shoot out the front door and fling herself back under the bush. Brainiac she is not.

Herbie sleeps. Olive recharges. Herbie wiggles and lets you pet him. Olive charges you and then tries to destroy anything she can reach with her mouth. And for you not in the know, puppy teeth HURT. It is like 1 million needles piercing your skin, face, toes, arms, head. The screaming seems to delight her to no end.

Discipline has become more regular to her than her meals. We have broken out the big guns. For Herbie we used the squirt bottle, which he hated. Olive enjoys a light misting of water or even better a direct stream of water. Time out in her crate, fine, someone bring the nachos and beer. Finally we found something. Something that she truly hates and will make her stop dead in her tracks and knock the shit off. A peach can of pennies. Yep, I'm not sure if it is peaches or the penny that she carries such distaste for, but whatever it is I am grateful. Now I just have to pick it up and she stops on a dime. I have been eating a boatload of peaches in order to have a can in every room. None of my Tupperware now have lids but that is a small price to pay for not having to wear long sleeves because it looks like I have lost a fight with sewing notions.

Olive has systematically disemboweled the dog toy box. First she just enjoyed ripping off their heads and dancing through the house with stuffing on her face. Then she started being a little more particular, honing her craft I like to think, now she rips off only the eyes. So now our toys are eyeless which is very disturbing and creepy.But now I just find stuffing, no toy, no eye, just stuffing EVERYWHERE. I know the toy in all of its pieces is somewhere but I will be damned if I can find it. She is learning. Learning how to clean up the scene of the crime.