Olive and Herbie wish you a very Spooky Halloween

What a dog!

Having a puppy really makes you appreciate the older dog. I mean REALLY appreciate, not any of that fake appreciation crap. I am going to rename our entire family after Herbie and leave him all of my possessions.

Herbie knows the routine. Olive knows nothing. Herbie knows how to go outside for his needs. Olive knows nothing. Herbie eats his food, drinks his water and never tips over the vintage food bowls in anger when the food is gone. Olive knows nothing, wait, she knows how to do that.

Olive knows how to squeeze her puff ball self underneath the rhododendron that is covered in dying blossoms, bugs the size of my hand, dew, spiders the size of my state, and some sort of disgusting goo. Then she rolls around in dirt that I am sure carries some sort of toxic, to humans but not to idiot dogs, disease and presents herself like she just won some sort of friggin' beauty pageant to the front door. At which case I get to bathe her, dry her, brush her, only to have her shoot out the front door and fling herself back under the bush. Brainiac she is not.

Herbie sleeps. Olive recharges. Herbie wiggles and lets you pet him. Olive charges you and then tries to destroy anything she can reach with her mouth. And for you not in the know, puppy teeth HURT. It is like 1 million needles piercing your skin, face, toes, arms, head. The screaming seems to delight her to no end.

Discipline has become more regular to her than her meals. We have broken out the big guns. For Herbie we used the squirt bottle, which he hated. Olive enjoys a light misting of water or even better a direct stream of water. Time out in her crate, fine, someone bring the nachos and beer. Finally we found something. Something that she truly hates and will make her stop dead in her tracks and knock the shit off. A peach can of pennies. Yep, I'm not sure if it is peaches or the penny that she carries such distaste for, but whatever it is I am grateful. Now I just have to pick it up and she stops on a dime. I have been eating a boatload of peaches in order to have a can in every room. None of my Tupperware now have lids but that is a small price to pay for not having to wear long sleeves because it looks like I have lost a fight with sewing notions.

Olive has systematically disemboweled the dog toy box. First she just enjoyed ripping off their heads and dancing through the house with stuffing on her face. Then she started being a little more particular, honing her craft I like to think, now she rips off only the eyes. So now our toys are eyeless which is very disturbing and creepy.But now I just find stuffing, no toy, no eye, just stuffing EVERYWHERE. I know the toy in all of its pieces is somewhere but I will be damned if I can find it. She is learning. Learning how to clean up the scene of the crime.

I'm no princess

Herbie has decided the puppy can stay.

Being the resident older dog and ruling the roost, or at least the leather chair he sleeps on all day, he has deemed Olive can reside here. Though he treats her like the annoying second cousin you only see once a year at a family picnic and never really liked. Sometimes if we aren't looking he will play with her. Of course, once eye contact is made with him, all play stops and he flings himself on the ground with a huge sigh as if to say "My God, she has killed me folks, seriously I am dead over here!"

Olive takes none of this to heart. She continues on her merry, albeit stupid, way and continues to try and attach herself like a goiter to his face. Occasionally he will growl at her, but this bothers her not in the slightest, she is no girly girl in the face of danger. She is no girly girl in the face of no danger either. I have tried to give her the lady like speech. Stop running into the fridge door. Stop chewing the beautiful leash. Stop sticking your head under Herbie's leg while he is answering the call of nature. Stop making me wash your head. All of this is to no avail. She barrels through her days like a miniature bulldozer.

Thank goodness she wears a pink collar, if not for that you would have absolutely no idea she is a girl. She is not dainty. We didn't get a little princess. She will inhale her food and then proceed to belch her way through half a TV show. She drinks water by sticking her entire head in the water bowl, like there is some sort of game prize at the bottom of the bowl. She sleeps on her back with all four paws out to the side. Lives for dirt, mud, slugs, and any piece of garbage she can find. Nope, this ain't no elegant mademoiselle we have residing with us.

She is a my way or highway kind of dog. Which is just what we wanted.

Olive

Olive has arrived!We drove to Tacoma to pick her up and she was the last puppy to go home. We felt a little bad about that since she was all alone in a giant kennel. I'm sure she was questioning her life choices at this point, all 9 weeks of it. We had been delayed in our search for a Krispy Kreme donut.

She is a giant marshmallow with a very small body. And very sharp baby teeth. She is adorable, but really what baby isn't. That is how they get away with murder, the cuteness factor. Olive has it in spades. Herbie "The love pug" is not impressed. He refuses to share his ball or any of his toys or his kitchen or the living room or the plant stand that before today he didn't even know we owned but now it IS HIS MOST FAVORITE THING and she is not to touch it. Or look at it. Or breathe on it.The boy loves her but of course it is not three in morning and she is not whining and needing to go to the out of doors. We will see how much love is flowing at that time. Or when she chews his shoes or his jeans.

She is sweet and brings some new life into our home. Chaos also entered but I knew that going in, so I'm fine with trade off. She has met some neighbors. Frolicked in the front yard. Had lunch. And is now fast asleep on the kid's bed. Not on the pillow for that is where Herbie sleeps but at the end of the bed on the kid's feet. A welcomed addition to a newly built family.

What's your name?

So on Saturday we pick up the new puppy.

So soon! my mind keeps screaming. I have been getting ready. I sleep a lot. With new puppies not much sleep happens. I also had to buy the biggest crate IN THE WORLD, which will somehow have to fit in my bedroom. I'm pretty sure I will need to remove my bed to get it to fit.

We need to change her name. My lovely Anastasia Beaverhausen, or Karen for short, will not be her name. Blame it on the kid, I know I do. He is dating someone named . . . get ready for it . . . yep, you guessed it . . Karen. A perfectly wonderful girl. No matter how I tried to come up with an explanation that wouldn't sound so strange, I was unable to accomplish it. There is no good way of telling someone you decided to name your dog their exact name. No way at all.

So we moved on in the name category. My kid knows a lot of people, people whose names conjure up bad memories. I'm beginning to think he is hard to get along with. No, on this name, she looked at me wrong in SECOND grade and I am still wounded from the encounter. No, on that name, she said my English paper was horrible and every time I look at the new puppy I will feel like a dunce. The excuses raged on. I became tired and irritable.

Finally we settled on Olive. Yep, she will be named after a taco topping. Actually, she will be named after the children's book called "Olive." In the book it is a play on words for "All of the other reindeer's." It is a very cute book.

Best of all my kid has never met an Olive he didn't like.

Must Love Dogs

So my baby leaves for college in September. For the first time EVER, I will be by myself. I am both sad and happy all in one. It is a lot like being one of those chocolate/vanilla mixed cones. Today I am more sad, tomorrow more happy. By September, who knows.

Since I can't figure out if I am more happy or more sad, I decided to be more tired. I have signed up to buy a puppy in August.

All of our pets have been a family decision. By that I mean, I decided and then I pleaded and pleaded some more. Fights broke out. Finally I would give up.

The lovely Herbie was bought in San Francisco during a job interview that the ex had. I went along for a mini vacation and found a puppy I couldn't live without. The ex wanted to take a job that would require him to be out of town for half the week, so he bought the dog with a lot less argument than I was use to. A bribe.

So he became a family dog. I got up in the middle of the night for potty runs. I cleaned up the messes. I took him for his shots. Yep, a family dog.

But now my family is changing and I need to build my own family. I'm starting with a Bernese Mountain Dog. A female puppy. She will be named Anastasia Beaverhausen or Karen for short.

Now you might be saying "My god, what a mouthful! and you would be right. It is from Will & Grace. Whenever someone would meet Karen in a bar, she would explain that it was not Karen but was Anastasia Beaverhausen. I thought it was hilarious and always thought I would name a dog that. Now I can.

So September will seem not quite so lonely. This new puppy will be part of a new stage of life. It will shake us all up. And when we rearrange ourselves, we will be a whole new family. Me, the kid, Herbie, and Anstasia Beaverhausen. That has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?