A broken down wreck.

I'm in charge. Of everything. I do not enjoy this. Patience is something I wasn't born with. Like math skills, measuring skills, and directions. I was in the line for useless talents like being able to pick out actors and name everything they have ever starred in, sing along to songs even if I don't know the words, and to over decorate for every holiday. I have lots of fun talents. I have no skills.

Knowing this, the universe has decided that each and every week something new shall break. Something that shall involve electricity or involve standing outside in the pouring rain. I spend a good deal of my week staring blankly at something or other and trying to decide what in the sam hell is wrong with it. I never know. I have lots of guesses and swear words but no real knowledge.

The light on the fish tank, out. Replace light bulb, still out. Dismantle light, break piece of plastic that holds the light bulb, cut finger, call fish guy. Turns out we took a power surge, must be sent out. Comes back, works, drop the lid on both of my hands installing the light, have ten swollen fingers, but the fish can see. Yes.

The pump on top of the pool cover that drains the rain water, not pumping. Rain coming down in torrential downpours. Pool cover loaded with water. Stand in the pouring rain to stare directly at the unit. No ideas come to me. Unplug and plug back in. No. Take it off of the pool cover and wipe it down. No. Look at the stupid thing to see if possible it has a hidden clue that will point out the problem. No. Soaking wet by this time. Pretty pissed. Open pool cover. Has so much water on it, it can't open. Stand outside with a bucket to fling the water off the pool. What a dork. Still won't work. Leave pool open so the pool will collect the water. Go into the house and stare down at the stupid unit and hope some sort of inspiration will come to me. No. Leave it for later and go watch tv. Yes.

The steering wheel in the car catches on fire. The buttons on the garage door opener will not open anything in our home. The tv has a picture but no sound. Qwest keeps leaving messages that they are coming to fix something, yet I have never called and they never do show up. The automated prescription service at Rite-Aid hung up on me.

The list goes on and on. I make strides in some areas and by nightfall have a whole new list. It is tiring. Good thing that some of my useless talents is humor and sarcastic wit. If not for those and the knowledge that no one gets out of this race alive, I may very well be crying in a corner by now.