Exercising is hard!

On Monday I start my exercise routine again. Yuck. Some people enjoy exercise. I do not. It is an means to a ends and so I plod through it.

I had a heart murmur which went undiagnosed for quite some time. During this time my ex went down a path of inappropriate behavior. So while I was having test after test run, he was having an affair. I went through this alone. Alone and scared. Basically it boiled down to the fact that my home situation was causing unbelievable stress to my heart. I could change or I could die. That simple.

So I kicked the ex out of the house and have spent the last few months rebuilding myself. Like the Bionic Woman. Better. Stronger. Healthier. Happier.

An hour a day you will find me in the garage on the treadmill. My I-pod blaring out songs. The bottle of water tempting me. And a giant full length mirror to remind me of why I am doing this.

At first I could hardly last twenty minutes. I thought I was going to simply die. I had to keep stopping and monitoring my blood pressure. Then I built it up to thirty minutes. Now it is almost five miles and 1 hour. I still think I am simply going to die, I just now know I'm not.

With the exercise routine comes the eating healthier, which I am bad at. So I eat the same thing every day. No exceptions. It works for me to not have choices. I cook two different meals, one for the kid and one for me. His looks great. Mine does not. But means to an end, so I continue on.

I love the way being thinner makes me feel. After the last six months I look great. I have a ways to go. My cardiologist has one goal for me and I have a different goal. His goal is to have me weigh what I did in TENTH GRADE. Mine is to be something I actually have the ability to achieve and more importantly maintain!

Knowing myself, I don't want to continue this much exercise every day. I hate it. In a previous life I was a sloth. While I don't want to go back to the person or the shape I was, I don't want to have a life ruled by exercise.

For the last two months, I got a reprieve. My blood pressure is lowering itself. The heart murmur has quieted down. 75 lbs have been removed from my frame. My BMI index went from obese to normal. I have gone from a size 22 to a size 12. I won't lie, it feels wonderful. It was hard work. It was no fun. But it has been worth it in every way possible.

Deciding to save my life forced me to wake up and see what was around me. My home life, my marriage, all were working to show me that what I had become, was not what I wanted. I listened. I changed. I am happy but more importantly, I am finally healthy. Both in body and soul. Just how it is suppose to be.