I have gained some weight. Not a lot, not like, oh, say 80 lbs or anything, more like 5 or 8 lbs.
One of the key aspects to getting older, is the notion of not sweating the small stuff. Shrugging your shoulders and just letting go. Whatever!
The younger me would have had a fit. Would have fought tooth and nail over everything. Must win the battle, the war, and everything in between. The older me, not so much. Am I tired? Am I wiser? Am I laying on the ground with the stuffing beat out of me and I just can't rise anymore?
No. I'm just smarter.
I know the treadmill is waiting in the garage. The I-pod is loaded with fast paced songs that equal the amount of time I need to stay on the treadmill. The fridge has spinach, carrots, and a chicken breast awaiting a salad to be made. The 100 calorie packs are lined up like little ducks all in a row. The new exercise outfit is one size too small, so it squeezes me in all the wrong places.
All this I know. Just like I know that the weight will go back down and in all honesty will probably go back up sometime as well. Just like I know that I will feel like death on the treadmill the first few times.
Because I am older and wiser, I am content with the knowing and the doing. I don't spend so much time fighting against the ropes, I just put on my big girl panties and DO it. I know I will succeed and be happy because of it. This is what getting older has taught me. Patience, perseverance, ability, and the knowledge of how to put it all together.
Youth is good. I am reminded of youth, when I sit cross-legged for too long and get up to the sound of some large crackle sounds, which I am pretty sure, can't be good news. I like youth but truth be told, I like the age I am now just fine. I like the face that stares back at me from a mirror, lines and all. I like the body I have, even heavier than I would like to be.
I like the whole package of me. It reminds me of where I have been and where I am going. I like the comfort of age, the acceptance that I will never be a ballerina or a trapeze artist. I like knowing I am funny and kind, that I am not patient, and I tend to talk over people.
The youthful me would have been bothered and fretful about the things I am not. The older me is happy that I am here, right here and now, flaws, treadmills, salads, and all.
Showing posts with label treadmill. Show all posts
Showing posts with label treadmill. Show all posts
Friday, September 4, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Exercising is hard!
On Monday I start my exercise routine again. Yuck. Some people enjoy exercise. I do not. It is an means to a ends and so I plod through it.
I had a heart murmur which went undiagnosed for quite some time. During this time my ex went down a path of inappropriate behavior. So while I was having test after test run, he was having an affair. I went through this alone. Alone and scared. Basically it boiled down to the fact that my home situation was causing unbelievable stress to my heart. I could change or I could die. That simple.
So I kicked the ex out of the house and have spent the last few months rebuilding myself. Like the Bionic Woman. Better. Stronger. Healthier. Happier.
An hour a day you will find me in the garage on the treadmill. My I-pod blaring out songs. The bottle of water tempting me. And a giant full length mirror to remind me of why I am doing this.
At first I could hardly last twenty minutes. I thought I was going to simply die. I had to keep stopping and monitoring my blood pressure. Then I built it up to thirty minutes. Now it is almost five miles and 1 hour. I still think I am simply going to die, I just now know I'm not.
With the exercise routine comes the eating healthier, which I am bad at. So I eat the same thing every day. No exceptions. It works for me to not have choices. I cook two different meals, one for the kid and one for me. His looks great. Mine does not. But means to an end, so I continue on.
I love the way being thinner makes me feel. After the last six months I look great. I have a ways to go. My cardiologist has one goal for me and I have a different goal. His goal is to have me weigh what I did in TENTH GRADE. Mine is to be something I actually have the ability to achieve and more importantly maintain!
Knowing myself, I don't want to continue this much exercise every day. I hate it. In a previous life I was a sloth. While I don't want to go back to the person or the shape I was, I don't want to have a life ruled by exercise.
For the last two months, I got a reprieve. My blood pressure is lowering itself. The heart murmur has quieted down. 75 lbs have been removed from my frame. My BMI index went from obese to normal. I have gone from a size 22 to a size 12. I won't lie, it feels wonderful. It was hard work. It was no fun. But it has been worth it in every way possible.
Deciding to save my life forced me to wake up and see what was around me. My home life, my marriage, all were working to show me that what I had become, was not what I wanted. I listened. I changed. I am happy but more importantly, I am finally healthy. Both in body and soul. Just how it is suppose to be.
I had a heart murmur which went undiagnosed for quite some time. During this time my ex went down a path of inappropriate behavior. So while I was having test after test run, he was having an affair. I went through this alone. Alone and scared. Basically it boiled down to the fact that my home situation was causing unbelievable stress to my heart. I could change or I could die. That simple.
So I kicked the ex out of the house and have spent the last few months rebuilding myself. Like the Bionic Woman. Better. Stronger. Healthier. Happier.
An hour a day you will find me in the garage on the treadmill. My I-pod blaring out songs. The bottle of water tempting me. And a giant full length mirror to remind me of why I am doing this.
At first I could hardly last twenty minutes. I thought I was going to simply die. I had to keep stopping and monitoring my blood pressure. Then I built it up to thirty minutes. Now it is almost five miles and 1 hour. I still think I am simply going to die, I just now know I'm not.
With the exercise routine comes the eating healthier, which I am bad at. So I eat the same thing every day. No exceptions. It works for me to not have choices. I cook two different meals, one for the kid and one for me. His looks great. Mine does not. But means to an end, so I continue on.
I love the way being thinner makes me feel. After the last six months I look great. I have a ways to go. My cardiologist has one goal for me and I have a different goal. His goal is to have me weigh what I did in TENTH GRADE. Mine is to be something I actually have the ability to achieve and more importantly maintain!
Knowing myself, I don't want to continue this much exercise every day. I hate it. In a previous life I was a sloth. While I don't want to go back to the person or the shape I was, I don't want to have a life ruled by exercise.
For the last two months, I got a reprieve. My blood pressure is lowering itself. The heart murmur has quieted down. 75 lbs have been removed from my frame. My BMI index went from obese to normal. I have gone from a size 22 to a size 12. I won't lie, it feels wonderful. It was hard work. It was no fun. But it has been worth it in every way possible.
Deciding to save my life forced me to wake up and see what was around me. My home life, my marriage, all were working to show me that what I had become, was not what I wanted. I listened. I changed. I am happy but more importantly, I am finally healthy. Both in body and soul. Just how it is suppose to be.
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