Sadness

So tonight the ex drove down and dropped off the rest of the remnants of the old life. As usual, he tried to throw in some crap he didn't want but was to lazy to haul to the dump. This time I was on to the plan and hauled it all the way back to his truck and told him to take it back with him. This is not the dump.

He did that "Oh my, are you sure you don't want this priceless artifact of your previous life, that is now broken and of no use to me?" I just walked away.

Still no job. Still the house isn't listed. Though he found time to go to the Seafair Pirates arrival on Alki beach. Good to know he has his priorities straight.

Tonight I'm not so fine. My heart is so broken it is unbelievable that I can still be alive and walking. It isn't so much that I want him back, because I know that I don't, it is just that everything seems wrapped in memories of us. This house, the kid, my life, everything. I go through my days and they are fine. Not awesome, but not bad. But what happens in September when the kid heads off to college? At this age how do I start all over again? Will it come to me piece by piece? Is it something I should already know? How do I make friends? How do I start to build another life? Why is it so easy for him and so hard for me?

Questions upon questions. They flood my mind and my every waking thoughts. I don't mind being alone. I like myself just fine. I have many interests to keep me occupied. It just seems that the world is paired up. Either people already have it, or they are searching for it. What happens to the people who don't want it again? where do they go?

On Monday, my (old) house will be staged and listed for a fast sale. A house I spent 16 years in. A house I remodeled. A house I raised my son in. A house I built for the long run. I tell my self it is just a house, everything that meant anything is where I reside now. All that we are, all that we love, we carry inside with us. I believe that. It's just tonight I think sadness is blocking the view of it.

P.S.: I leave you with some pictures of Olive. The kid found his camera stuff and spent some time outside snapping photos of Olive. They are fantastic. She is a beautiful dog. It is a shame that she is so annoying.