Porcupines

So having two dogs is a lot like having fourteen porcupines and a mongoose loose in your house. Ok, not the mongoose but I just reread Rikki-Tikki-Tavi and I am in a mongoose sort of mindset. And maybe a cobra or two, you know just for good measure. Anywhoo!

Talking about porcupines. They are sharp, not mind sharp, but pointy sharp. Olive is just like that, no mind that I can find but her toe nails slice up my feet every morning. That dog performs a toe dance like no other on my bare feet every live long day. The tops of my feet resemble an abstract painting of black, blue and yellow. Since it is not Halloween every day, this is not a look that I particularly care to sport.

I have now taken to flinging myself from my bed to the ottoman, then to the top of the tub, from there it is just a small scary shuffle to the shower, ALMOST home free, then a mad dash to the toilet, AWEEEEEE! almost made it, a thousand small needles are shoved into the top of my foot. Every day it goes like this, some days it is one foot, some days it is two feet.

And while I am trying to dance the jig away from 60 lbs of torture, the 17 lb sidekick is trying to scramble up my bare legs in his attempt to join the fray of fun. There is no glamorous way of systematically trying to leap into the air, yell "GET DOWN, DAMMIT (janet)", and hold in your bladder muscles that were the very thing that started this day of horror. Every morning it is a toss up to which catastrophe is most likely to occur; breaking my legs, killing a dog, killing my self, or my bladder just giving up idea that I may make it in time.

I feel like I am on an episode of man vs. beast and the man is loosing. In this case, woman. And I have opposable thumbs. I am supposed to be at the top of the food chain. The top I tell you! I don't drink out of the toilet, I remember the garbage man comes every Monday, I know when the heater kicks on we are not being brought down by invisible zombies and therefore I do not run head first into the wall.

So I guess the bigger question is "Who is really running this show? Me or the fourteen porcupines?"

I'm bettin' on the porcupines.

Just be

Ok I lied. I had planned to be back on Monday. I wrote the Post on Monday. Lost the Internet on Monday. So that is that.

That sums up living in a small town in a nutshell. Never, EVER, make plans. Fix your hair, gale force winds. Wear cute shoes, the town will flood. Want a grilled cheese sandwich, out of bread. I am always totally surprised at the length this town will go to just to deny you the very thing you want the most.

Winter has descended on us with a vengeance. Entire trees are being tumbled in the ocean like toothpicks. Hail has beaten the crap out of the last remaining flowers. We have had our annual rainfall in one day. The high winds make the dogs yodel. We have started to go to bed at 2:45 pm since it is dark out.

The force that is Winter at the coast, is always such a surprise at the start. By November it will be an old hat but now it is terrifying and exciting. Watching the ocean that is so peaceful and friendly in the summer turn mean and vicious is a sight to behold. The waves pick up the boulders from the shore and fling them onto the road like small pebbles. The next wave picks them back up and hurls them into the grassy part of my yard. Trees tumble and roll like a surfer just learning to catch a wave. Sometimes the ocean deposits them straight up into the sand, as if to say "We are putting our Christmas Tree up early this year" and the next wave shouts "Oh no, not before Thanksgiving" and back into the frothy water goes the tree. Over and over this scenario is played.

Then a calmness comes, the clouds part, the moon and stars shine like sparkly diamonds in the sky, the ocean relaxes, the seagulls walk the shore glowing white from the moon and everyone relaxes.

The dogs sleep on the sofa peacefully. The parakeets have stopped fluttering around. I feel calm, safe, secure and lucky. Oh, so lucky.

Then BOOM, it all starts again.

On and on it goes. Day in and day out. I watch and wait, back and forth, calm and vicious, lows and highs. Just like my days. That is what the ocean teaches me, highs and lows, fight and rail against things, anything; relax and go with the flow, any flow. Just be.

For though it seems like it will always be this way, it won't. Better or worse, who knows, who cares. The here and now is pretty awesome.

Oh, lucky me!

Here I come again

Starting on Monday, I am back. New and Improved. Ok, not really but at least back.

Relationships

I am in a relationship.

When I was younger, I used to dream about a guy that would make my heart beat faster, make my thoughts all steamy, make me draw little hearts on my pee-chee with our initials inside. I never found that, even when I was married my heart never beat faster and I am pretty sure I never drew a heart.

Now, finally, I have that. Finished pressure washing the deck, love cursed through my veins. New windows installed, I had the vapors and needed to lie down. The words "French Drain" mean more to me than the words "I will love you forever." I have dreams that involve driveway sealer that I swear are racy and frankly make my heart beat faster.

The words "I will start and finish in three days time" are equal to a three-carat diamond. The newly trimmed trees look like filet mignon without the calories. I draw little hearts with tile layouts in them. I look at new toilets and plan how to ask it for a date, a date with my house, a full time, lasting relationship. Is it appropriate to send out cards announcing the new relationship or is it too early still?

I know the people at the Home Depot store on a first name basis and will name my next pet "Depot", or maybe myself, still unclear about that. I can daydream for hours in the caulking aisle. I do a happy dance going down the nail/screw section. Power tools make me drool. Don't even mention the words "electrical outside outlet" unless you want to see a middle-aged woman cry in joy.

Yep, this relationship is working out just dandy. Home repair relationships are the best.

Oh, and the guy I now see, pretty wonderful as well.

Here I am

Home repair has been my nightmare of choice lately.

I fix one thing, three more break. I can't keep up with the calls to the repair men without little yellow post-it notes stuck over me like a Pin the tail on the Donkey game.

The fire place now works, the shower still a no go. Most of the deck is pressure washed, stained, not so much. Tree in backyard is trimmed, trees in front yard run amok. New windows are being installed today, one giant bedroom window broke and now vacuuming will ensue.

*sigh*

Money flies out of my checking account when I am not looking, and probably even as I watch, which I don't.

Olive has hip dysplasia and requires constant meds along with therapy. The bills come and go. More bills come and these stay awhile, like dead fish.

And yet with all the chaos, I remain happy. Which surprises me to no end. How can I be happy when I seem to be circling around a drain? Is a garbage disposal in my future? Yet, I am happy. Not like winning the lottery, beautiful new purse, or sunny, warm day happy but still a feeling of contentment resides with me.

Next month it will be one year since I moved to this little town. I miss Seattle, more than I thought I would and while I enjoy Seaside, I don't believe this is where I will end up. I think that is what makes me happy, that change no longer seems so scary, so hard. Instead it seems exciting and the possibilities remain open because I remain open. I like that - I LOVE that.

One thing is for certain though, the next house will have new windows that I do not have to install.

Meltdown

So yesterday, in my garage, running on my treadmill, I had a huge meltdown.

I think that this time now in my life is harder than ever. When my life exploded, anger, fear and sheer determination kept me afloat. I still had a kid to get through high school and into college. I lived in the same place with the same friends that gave me support. I wasn't going to let what happened to me turn me into a victim.

Now nothing seems to be keeping me afloat. Some of my friends want me to find another man, I don't want to. Some people started telling me "where am I going? What do I want to do with the rest of my life?" I have absolutely no idea, hell, I don't even know where I am going today, how am I suppose to plan for the next decade?

I do know that I have started to make some poor decisions. I haven't been keeping up my exercise like I should, I tend to put things off for as long as possible, I have been drinking a little too much. I am now acting like a victim. The very thing that I didn't want to be.

I am overwhelmed by all the things I needed to get done just to get to where I am today. New and frankly, very frightening experiences have been mine. In this area I have grown by leaps and bounds. I feel very confident in so many new avenues that I am left wondering why I am back sliding in areas that I thought I had already conquered.

Today all of that stops. I have three days of exercise under my belt. I have a refrigerator filled with the correct foods to eat. I have set some new goals. I am going to find a job in this little town if it kills me. I have ordered the new college classes guide. I have finally gotten to a point where the house isn't going to fall down due to neglect.

All of this is necessary but I am worth it. I like myself, faults, doubts, extra weight, all of it. I do think that I have lost sight of that for awhile. It isn't a man that makes my life whole. I make my life whole and I haven't been working on that area.

My life has changed, no doubt about that, but instead of focusing on what I don't have, I now will focus on what I do have. I have an awesome son, great friends, books, and two crazy dogs. Plus, of course, a bird. It may not be the picture I saw in my mind. It may not be what I had planned for my life. But here it is and I am going to embrace it, enjoy it, and probably occasionally have another meltdown.

And I am ok with that.

Addled minded

I have a new love in my life. I am always treated kindly. I am taken on wonderful adventures. I feel peace, joy and unbelievable love, the kind that is rarely seen.

My new love - is my library. I have the most gorgeous library I have ever been in.

This used to be a bedroom, the master bedroom as a matter of fact. In old homes, all bedrooms look the same so I have no idea what defined this as a master as opposed to a regular. Regardless, it was the master. When we did a remodel a few years ago, we moved the master to the other side of the house so we could add a bath. This room became the lets dump all the crap that doesn't fit anywhere else room.

I changed it. I need a library. Books are treasures to me and I own a ton. When I moved, I packed up over 50 boxes of books. Even with a ton of shelf space in my new library, I still have 12 boxes to go. The last ones are the rare/old/signed ones and they need a better space.

I designed this myself. Drew up the plans and hired a woodworker to do the job. Every last detail was one I wanted and no one else got to chime in. Sweet!

The cabinets are pine with a bead board back. I love bead board and would fill the whole house with it if I could. The cabinets are painted white with a yellow (the strongest yellow I could find) back. The shelves are all stationary. I only want to house books, therefore I don't do the third rule (1/3 books, 1/3 open space and 1/3 decorative objects). Also, with the amount of weight that books weigh, I didn't want any bowing of shelves. All the shelves, with the exception of the bottom row and the three top shelves in the big cabinets, are the same width. They are made to hold hardbound books.

I had electricity added to the top of the shelves and I have pink twinkle lights that lay up there. I added a fun lamp I bought at Powell's (the best book store EVER) and an vintage clock that I don't even remember buying.

The bookcases were built off-site and then attached to the wall. All the painting was done off-site as well, the touch ups were done after they were installed. Molding was added at the very end.

I painted the walls a light lavender color and changed all the trim from gray to white to give it a crisper feel. Added a vintage light fixture to the center of the room. I added a comfy, giant leather chair that holds two dogs and if they let me in, me as well.

I still have things to do. The window needs to be replaced, art work needs to come in, and the side of the room that faces the ocean needs some lights.

Right now the books are just up on the shelves. No real rhyme or reason, just opened a box and set them up. As time goes by, I will organize them and clean up the shelves a bit. I added some little doohickeys, baseballs, pictures of pugs, and other little things. I don't think that stuff will stay but who knows, it suits me and that is really all I care about. I set a table in the middle of the room so I can leave out the books that I want to read next plus it gives me a work space to cover the books with protective sleeves.

The photos don't do the room justice. It is simply unbelievable in real life. I spend a whole bunch of time just standing and sighing in total happiness.
I think that Louise May Alcott said it the best "She is too fond of books and it has addled her brain." I love being addled.