Vacations are fun

Delicious vacation has come to an end. Oh, so sad.

The dogs are happy. Herbie because if there is anything worse than being a deck dog, it is being a kennel dog. Having to be in a same run with Olive for FOUR WHOLE days, pretty much just like death. Olive on the other hand, thinks that the kennel is fine and when we picked her up today, pretty much had no idea who we were. Though she left with us just fine. When we got home, she ran upstairs, got into my suitcase and chewed up another pair of unmentionables, guess she remembered those. Nice to know she is using her brain for something fun.

We shopped and ate too much. The kid, because he is truly wonderful, bought me some lovely vintage stirrer sticks. They are delightful sea creatures and will look delicious stirring something. I have sparkly clean teeth and beautiful hair. A new coat. Piles and piles of unread books and magazines. We attended wine hour. We went to a movie, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. Slept in until 9:00 am one day.

Vacations are nice. I actually think they are more enjoyable for me now that I am not in a relationship. During my marriage, I was "in charge" of everything. Where we ate, what we did, where we stayed, on and on. I felt like Julie, the cruise director on the Love Boat, only I didn't get paid and my duties didn't get to end after the hour episode was over. Nope, mine went on for the whole dang vacation.

Now, while I still run them, I am more flexible. I don't like mornings, never have, never will. I choose not to get up early. I like a breakfast snack, not a whole meal, so we have snacks. I like a big lunch, so we eat our nicest meal of the day at lunch. It goes like this. I still plan for the kid but now I figure, if he doesn't like the plan speak up!

It has only been now during the divorce that the ex brings up all the stuff he hated about me. I'm like, hey idiot boy, you should have either spoken up, or better yet, done it yourself! So with three vacations by myself under my belt, I like it better. Sure it would be nice to have someone to talk to at night but it is not an necessity. In fact, the longer I am single, the more I don't want a relationship EVER.

I do however, want a boatload of vacations.

vacation

I am on vacation. I have had too much to drink. My hotel gives out free drink coupons AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY. I have had a lot of OPPORTUNITIES. I have a lot of free drink coupons. I had two martinis in the bar FOR FREE.

I TOTALLY THINK VACATION ROCKS!

Undersea garden

I have decided I like myself. I really, really, like me and to show it, have decided to get a tattoo.

I have a tattoo already. A small green gecko on my left leg that I got in Hawaii a few years ago. No one really sees it unless I wear shorts and flip-flops. Even socks cover it up. I thought I was pretty daring just to get that.

Now I am entering a different phase of my life. I am all for everyone being whom they want to be. Embrace whatever your heart desires, within reason of course. I did the whole being married and having the kid scenario. I behaved. I drove car pools. I baked cupcakes and ran the Halloween carnival. I attended work dinners and events, to carry on conversations with people I didn't like or have one thing in common with. I chit-chatted with neighbors and maintained a nicely kept home. I did the birthday parties and Christmas gathering. I have fixed Thanksgiving Day dinners time and time again and put together giant family events. I have done what is expected of me.

I want something different. Something edgy. Something that people will not expect. So I am doing an entire arm tattoo. Maybe. I have just started and we will see how the pain goes. So far, so good.

I came up with the idea. I thought about it and researched it. I don't believe the kid was a big fan but he faithfully supported me. The first appointment came and went, I cancelled it. The next came. I went.

I absolutely loved it! Tattooing isn't for everyone. For me, it is something I totally love. It has only just begun and already I feel different. I can cover it all up. No one knows it is there but me. And it effects me. I feel bolder and brave. That the image I present to the world, is but one side of me. And I can choose to show it to you or not. My choice. I haven't showed anyone yet. Except the kid.

The kid, who REALLY loves it. Stares at it all the time and exclaims how cool it is. Right now it is only the outline and shading. In two weeks the color will go on. I have no idea what color it will be, so that is why the delay. A giant octopus resides at the top of my arm. A beautiful octopus. My favorite creature of the sea.

A creature that is smarter than it appears. Is gentler than is given credit for. And totally 100% beautiful, in a weird and unusual way.

Just like me. How appropriate it lives on my arm.

Once in a blue moon

Here in the land that time forgot, we can pretty much eat anything we want. I am pretty sure that the guide to healthy eating has never made its way to this neck of the woods.

Sure, we advertise no Trans Fat. In the produce aisle, behind the candy display, is the eat 7 a day poster but really other than that, butter, cream and all that goodness is still alive and well.

We are a large population down here. Everything that can be deep fried, is. Everything that can use a dipping sauce, pretty much has 10 to 15 to choose from. Salads have cheese, croutons, and those little hated shrimps all over them. We have a huge amount of dessert products. You can have popcorn while you shop the hardware store. Candy stores outnumber locals and you can easily buy 8 different kinds of ready made whip cream.

It is a constant struggle to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle and I have been doing a piss poor job at it. Luckily I have so much to do that I haven't gained any of the weight back but neither have I shed anymore.

If I was being truthful, I would have to say I like it a little bit. In Seattle, everything has a low-fat/non-fat option. When I lunch with friends, I can't remember the time it didn't involve a plain salad and water. All of that is good for you, I know it, and most of the time, I do it. Down here, I haven't been doing so much of it.

Today I went to lunch. Had spinach tortellini in CREAM sauce, Had a appetizer of cheesy bread (which, yep, is just what you think it is, cheese goodness, three kinds, broiled on french bread. Oh, god, it is delicious!) and two glasses of wine. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! The kid had steak medallions with deep fried potato pancakes with a side order of blue cheese dipping sauce. He followed it with a dessert of carrot cake.

It was easy a lunch of 1 million calories and the fat content was seriously OFF the chart. Yet, it was so delicious. So wonderful, that I didn't feel an ounce of regret. Tomorrow it is back to the salads, the cut up pineapple, the billion of glasses of water, the chicken breast cooked with no sauces, the baby carrots and the cauliflower.

That is what I appreciate about the change of lifestyle. Everything in moderation. I wouldn't want to eat like that every day, but once in a blue moon, OH it IS sweet!

Strange

I try and be a nice person. It is not something I give my all to each and every day, but rather I try and go through my days with a little bit of kindness for my fellow men. Granted some days I achieve my goal and other days I fall way short.

Since I have quite a bit on my plate at the moment, I haven't much patience with idiots. Idiots are defined by someone or something that annoys me.

The person who counts ALL the fruit as 1 item in the 12 items or less aisle. In reality she has 32 items but counting the fruit as one, now has 8. Idiot.

Someone who counts out 92 cents in pennies at the local coffee store, idiot.

The people outside my bedroom window last night at 1:00 am IN THE MORNING, smoking, drinking and throwing rocks into the ocean, idiots.

These are my definition and it may mean something different to each of us. I often put myself in the idiot category, just to be fair it is not saved for only random people.

The kid woke up sick this morning. So in my effort to be kind, caring, and win some sort of mother of year award, I headed off to the grocery store to buy a wide and varied assortment of food products. We had soup, and juices, and crackers, some applesauce, and some bread. I was all over that food pyramid.

Now in my town we have one main grocery store. Safeway. You can head into another town and hit another Safeway but pretty much your selections need to be contained in either Safeway or Fred Meyer. Costco if you are feeding a search party but other than that, you are pretty much out of luck.

I am not a morning person. So this morning I counted myself a winner in the fact that I had on shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt. My hair was combed and I had my purse and PHONE, all at the same time.

So there I am, bopping along the aisles, playing Mrs. Beaver Cleaver. Buying stuff to make cookies. Buying a chicken for BBQ chicken, etc. etc. etc. I decided to buy the kid some cheese. He loves cheese. I'm enjoying the cheese aisle to no end when I notice a man is standing right next to me. Now this in and of itself is not unusual, I attract strange people like no one's business. I have forever and I don't see a reduction in this activity as I age. I make eye contact and start to move my cart along to the milk section, when he speaks.

"You are dressed inappropriately for Safeway!" He says to me. I look around in case there is a naked woman next to me or someone using a stripper pole in the cheese aisle. Nope, just me and the man.

"What?" I say, slightly mean toned, which really means, go away you strange strange man.

"That is not proper attire for grocery shopping." he angrily states. I look down to see if I am wearing clothes that could possibly be construed as not fit for the outside world. Nope. Still shorts and a t-shirt. And a bra I might add.

Now most days, I would continue on my merry way, today not so much.

"F*** off" I snarl. And I head to the milk aisle.

I finish my shopping and proceed to the checkout aisle, when who is standing right FRIGGIN' in front of me, but idiot man. He turns to look at me and I glare right back. Then he does some sort of wavy thing, like we are old friends. I glare. He picks up his groceries and exits the store. I complain to the sales clerk.

"Oh, he is a strange one." she says.

Good to know they can still find me even in Oregon.

Here and now.

We are slowly getting the hang of living here. The coffee store now knows our "usual." We saw people we knew at the garage sales we went to this morning. The neighbors wave to us. Slowly but surely we are finding our niche.

I thought it would take longer but it has gone pretty smoothly all in all. The house has some order to it. The car got the oil leak fixed. We have been to Portland enough to know the streets to get where we need to go and more importantly to get home.

Get Home. Two little words that encompass so much. I like it. I like it here. Some things are harder than I thought but some things are so much easier. I really thought I would miss the big city more than I do. I still grumble and moan about what I don't have, what I can't find but it passes quicker. I still have hard stuff ahead of me but in a small town it is simpler. People are kind. I'm sure they are kind everywhere, but in a big city you don't get so much of it. Here you get it all the time. They remember us at restaurants and gas stations and the hardware store.

A new life unfolds and starts to take place. It becomes ordinary. It starts to become a comfortable routine. I think it is like a wound. At first, because it is new, it is painful and noticeable. You feel sadness, anger, fear. You believe it will never go away. That you will always have a gaping wound that everyone stares at. Eventually, it starts to heal, to scab, to become less noticeable, the pain lessens. A scar takes the place. The healing is a process, a long process. In the end, the scar remains. It remains to remind us that we went through something and came out the other side. Maybe not as intact as we would have liked, but intact enough to feel contentment that we survived, that we are strong, that we are happy and at peace.

This is how I am starting to feel. Some days are hard and some are easy. I still want to scream and cry about the unfairness of it all, so I do. Some days I want to laugh and do nothing all day, so I do. And some days, I plan a future. My future. A future staring me! A future I hope holds more good things than bad. Even if it doesn't, because who among us really knows the future, the here and now is pretty darn good.

I was wrong.

Another foggy day here at the coast.

We had to drive for the second day in a ROW, to Portland. My car is broken again. I feel like my life is like that movie, Groundhog Day, I just keep doing the same thing over and over again and again. I'm not getting any better at it, but at least I know how it is all going to turn out.

Anyway, it is hot in Portland, like 109 degrees! Which is way too hot. Anything over 85 is too hot. But in Seaside, it is foggy. Chilly and foggy. Nice.

So I sit and watch the fog. You can't see the ocean or the town, heck you can't even seen the edge of my property. It is eerie and I really don't like it. One of the things that is amazing living here, is how Lewis and Clark ever found this place. I have never been all that fond of the Lewis and Clark expedition. Maybe because being from the Pacific Northwest it is our one claim to fame. We cut our teeth on this story. I have always kind of pooh-poohed it. Whatever! Enough already.

After living here for a month IN THE SUMMER I have really changed my tune. I am here to tell you that what they did was nothing short of a miracle. In the summer, with heat, electricity, automobiles, drive-thru Starbucks, grocery stores, and the fact that I am not at sea, I can barely hold on. For them to do all they did in the dead of winter, in canoes, and with all the obstacles they found, is extraordinary! I totally think they ROCK the world. Of course, they had some help with Sacagawea, the Indian guide and women extraordinaire and Seaman, the Newfoundland dog.

All that they accomplished is something that I will never understand. I can't even find things in my local Safeway store and there they were, sketching, exploring, discovering, mapping, surviving all in the dead of winter. Living down here even in the summer, it seems like the dead of winter. In the winter this is truly an amazing place. A scary, wild amazing place.

So, Lewis, Clark and Sacagawea you guys were something special. Thank you!