Adjusting

I think I am adjusting.

I'm not sure to what but I feel better this week. I am coming up on a year since my life broke apart and maybe, just maybe, the worse is behind me. I still have pity parties occasionally but they seem to be coming less with each passing day.

Dealing with ex is still a major pain in my existence. When the house sells maybe even that will go away. I still find it hard to believe I was married to him for so long and now I can't even stand a 3 minute conversation with him. He acts like a moron and it takes every ounce of my willpower to not start screaming obscenities into the phone. The worst part is this is how he treats the kid as well. Doing what he wants, when he wants, how he wants with no regard to anyone around him. Waiting until the kid has .02 cents in his checking account and then giving him money for college. These little things that make such big obstacles in our day to day life and which he finds humorous. Gone, I say, I want him Gone!

Other than that, which really is just a blip on the radar, things are coming along nicely. I still have some scary activities ahead of me. Like dating. Which absolutely terrifies me. The last time I went on a date I was eighteen. Now I am 46 and lets face it pretty much over the hill. I have no clue on how to start and I'm not even sure I want to. It seems quite daunting.

In just one years time, the amount I have learned about myself and what I am capable of is astounding. I never would have believed that I had this in me, this strength. I feel that I have grown by leaps and bounds. Maybe that is why I have a hard time dealing with the ex, he seems weak, petty, annoying. I want to be finished with the old life, the old pain, the old me. Yet, circumstances keep me tied to the past. I have places to go, people to meet, things to do, and I want to get on that. Now.