Danger is Everywhere

We have exciting news in our household.

Our dog has found out, after only 5 short years, that we have windows to the outside world. Now you might not see the excitement in such news but trust me when I say I SURE DO.

Every twenty minutes or so, I get to have a small heart attack. This happens more often now thanks to Daylight Savings Time. So that just totally ROCKS.

Before we all lived in a state of semi-bliss. The dog, Herbie, only knew the sound of someone knocking at the door. Now this was bad enough, for he would bark at the door and then the next 3o minutes. Even though the person had been gone for 29 of those 30 minutes. Then we would have lovely quiet, until a light bulb would go off over his head and he would remember that someone had knocked on the door and off he goes again. So most of my day is spent yelling "SHUT THE HELL UP."

But now we get to add in the ENTIRE OUTSIDE WORLD to my day.

The dog was in the living room when he thought he saw food on the window ledge. We don't normally keep food on our window ledges, but pugs are not the brightest bulb in the dog world. And since he has no idea where we keep the food, he will spend his entire life seeking it out. This is second only to sleeping, which takes up 20 hours of his day and the other 4 is spent on tables, couches, my craft table, our beds, the kids desk, in all garbage cans, the recyclable containers and now window ledges, looking for food.

He didn't find any food but he found a million more things that are coming to KILL HIM. The ENTIRE OUTSIDE WORLD is coming and how we never told him this, is a giant mystery and we are paying a pretty steep price.

Now he stands in the living room and stares out the window, growling, whining, and my personal favorite, BARKING HIS FOOL HEAD OFF. Cars parked across the street. The outside illumination (or as is known to the rest of the world, Christmas lights that I am too lazy to take down). Squirrels. Birds. Leaves. Branches. Dust. Invisible things. Clouds. The evil mailman. Dogs that are eying his property with the intention that it looks like a fine place to relieve one's self. People with small children that are mocking and teasing him in ways that only he can see.

All day this goes on. Occasionally it is offset by a nap or a drink of a beverage. Yesterday, it was my coffee the day before a diet mug root beer. I now speak in a throaty whisper and am thinking that phone sex girl could be a new career opportunity for me.

There is some good news, in our little house of horror, so far he has only discovered that we have living room windows. Woe to me when he finds the dining room ones, the bedroom ones, or the family room ones.

Thank God, I was already on blood pressure medicine. But now I know for sure it is working.