The path

So I'm here now. Where was I?

Life is hard. Single life is harder.

For a while I thought I just can't get the hang of this. Not quite sure what the "this" was, but it sure seemed I was missing out on something. It seems that the life I see other people leading made sense, had purpose, a direction of some sort. I seem to be twirling in circles, aimlessly, looking everywhere and finding nothing.

What was wrong with me?

It has slowly been dawning on me. I AM doing it. I do have the hang of this. Still have no idea what the "this" is, but I seem to be corralling it. Taming it. Calming it down. Calming me down. Hoping to eventually see what the "this" is.

Is it life? Is it the future? the past? me?

Over the last few weeks, I have found that the "this" is the here and now. The right this very minute. That is what I was missing. I kept thinking that tomorrow, next week, next month, it would be easier. It would make sense. The secret door would open and the grand prize would be revealed. I would win. Something that was better than a 10% off coupon that I receive from Safeway for a gas purchase. Something wonderful. Oh, man I couldn't wait.

It didn't arrive. I'm pretty sure the secret door opened but it just lead to another hard road. Another blind corner. Another truck barreling down on me. Another, another, another.

This, is, well, just life. I'm not doing it better or worse than the people I watched. I'm doing it different. Maybe the path I walk is harder, how the hell am I suppose to know. This is my path. The only path I have the full story on. The problem with people watching is that you just see the surface. You fill in the blanks, make the story line, You, not them. You can build them up with no problems with the Cinderella life, but you have no idea the baggage they carry. The weights that surround their necks.

That is what I was missing. That is what I didn't see. The years are going by. I am growing and changing. Doing better, doing worse, but more importantly doing. I have friends going through what I went through, almost three years ago now, I see the struggles, the disappointment, the fear. I remember it, oh my do I remember it well! I can help. I can be there. But ultimately it is something you go alone. It is something that you need to find in yourself. You have to travel the path, and while other people can go with you for a while eventually you will need to stand alone.

That is what I have figured out. Stand alone. Be proud of that, know that the life you are leading, good, hard, excellent, is just what you are suppose to be doing. The people around you are the supporting cast, but you, my friend, are the star.