It is all good

Well, I am officially divorced. And officially no longer a homeowner in Seattle.

It feels different and good. Scary and weird. I have my own schedule and now my own life. This is a whole new experience. The last time I was on my own, I was eighteen years old. EIGHTEEN years old! A baby really. Now I am forty-six and still a baby.

I run a list of things I need to do. Of things I want to accomplish. I am starting out small, with baby steps. Little things that wouldn't mean much to others, but mean a whole lot to me. I feel shaky inside. Some days I feel absolutely terrified.

All these feelings are good, normal, to be expected but scary nonetheless. And exhilarating. And exhausting.

February 1st is the big kick off. A new last name, still not picked out. New credit cards in my OWN name. A vacation planned just for me. Home remodeling in just my style. New hair. New tattoo. A new me? nah, just an improved version of the same old me.

One thing I have discovered in this sea of confusion and disarray, is the fact that I like me. The flaws. The strengths. The scars. The whole package. It is all good.

Now, if I just had a last name, it would be perfect.